Sometimes life sucks, but God is still good

The New Testament talks about the flesh and Spirit being at war with each other. The flesh desires sinful things cravings growing the more we feed it, but the Spirit in us desiring to please the Lord. Often this leads to a lot of turmoil inside while the two wage war. And although the flesh wins at times as we fall into temptation, the more time we spend in the presence of Jesus, the more that bothers us, and the more we will (hopefully) lean into the Spirit to help us flee those temptations. 

I have always liked Math and numbers because they are controllable, they make sense. If you follow an equation, you can get the right answer. If you don't get the right answer, you go back, look through your work, find the mistake and fix it. Boom! Right answer. I also have always loved LEGO (yes even still), for the same reason. I can follow a set of instructions and get the expected outcome. There is so much control I can have over LEGO. My LEGO city is a safe space! Each brick very carefully placed so that it is straight and the little "LEGO" on each brick facing the same direction. I might have a control issue. Which brings me to a huge area where my flesh and the Spirit are at war (no, not my LEGO room, don't worry!). I want to be able to control the outcome of my life, or the things (and even people sometimes *ouch*) in my life so that life can be neat and trim and tidy and all the little LEGO words going the same direction. "I did this and this, therefore, that should happen." Didn't work? Rework the equation. But life isn't this way. I have yet to receive a brick seperator (used to take apart LEGO pieces when you make a mistake) for life. This is what my flesh wants. A life brick seperator (also, LEGO makes them in different colors for collectors sake...just saying...) or an eraser so the equation can be re-worked. Instead, the Spirit in me calls me to hand over the pencil or instructions I have made and trust the Lord who already knows what each day holds. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own [equation]. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight." (Proverbs 3:5) 

I have noticed the flesh and Spirit to be at war even in my healing process, and I am so grateful for that. As the flesh part of me screams questions like, "Why?!" or "How?!" the Spirit in me has grace and compassion for that hurt but holds my heart steady. I was driving yesterday and reflecting on this. I am so thankful I serve a God who listens to my "whys?" and doesn't get angry with me; who looks past the obstinate to the hurting heart. I am also very grateful that in the midst of me screaming "life isn't fair," that deep in my soul I know that God is good, He hasn't changed and He isn't going to. He is my Rock, my Fortress and my Provider. His Loving-kindness exceeds my human-ness; that human-ness that wants to pull out my work to prove I did what I was supposed to, so why doesn't a+b=c in this case? Why can't I make life a safe-space like my LEGO room? I feel the jaded and wounded parts of me, but I can rest easy and have compassion and grace for myself in that because my God is in control of my life, and my heart is clinging to Him, even in the chaos of life. Proverbs 3:7, 8 "Don't be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones."