New Chapter

I started this blog several years ago when my son, Kayden, was diagnoised with cancer. I used the blog to keep people updated on that journey, and to process many of the feelings I was having. I took the title, "Walking beside quiet waters," from the 23rd Psalm. A shepherd does not bring his sheep to drink from rapids, but rest and refreshment comes from the quiet part of the stream. I believe even when life rushes around and sometimes over us like rapids, we can find those quiet waters in our Lord. In Him there is peace and rest, no matter in what circumstances you find yourself. I found that to be true then, and I still find that to be true today. Earlier this year I had 3 seperate people, all who walk with the Lord, but who have all had very different influences in my life, tell me I should write a book. I don't know what I have to say than what has already been written by much wiser people; and who am I really-just a girl whose desire is to walk with the Lord as wholeheartedly as this foolish heart can. But, I also can't ignore 3 different people, in 3 different conversations, within a month of each other, suggesting that to me. I have been praying about what I might say, what would be appropriate to say, but every once in awhile on a walk a "brilliant" idea comes to mind. This morning while Tom Bombadil and I strolled I decided I would attempt to restart this blog, without much intention of promoting it and explore what the Lord might want to say through me. Or maybe it will end up being more theraputic for me, without being a place to "spill the tea." If I have a reader whom the Lord can encourage closer to His heart through this, then maybe that is what this has all been about. 

 I love books. I love books with happy endings. Even those cheesy books with very predictable plots and endings. I think because life is not a predictible story, and I can find comfort that someone (no matter how fictional) gets to have that ending that I think I desire. I also really love deep and complicated stories that bring hope to darkness, that give us flawed characters who accomplish things no one would have expected of them. It gives flawed people like me hope. Hope that though I might try hard and fail, eventually my story will work out. Middle Earth is full of these stories. But also, the Bible is filled with these stories of real people who loved the Lord and failed. But He succeeded. When they surrendered their whole hearts to Lord, He gave strength and victory. When they sought Him for refuge, He covered them with His wings. He is always strong, always good, always fighting for His people, even for this girl. Though my ending is promised to be heavenly (haha), happiness is not promised. 

I use to beg God to make my story predictable. "Wouldn't this make a great plot twist here, Lord? Please?" I have great ideas, really, on how my life should go. But God is the Author of my Life, of my faith, and I realized this morning, walking with Tom Bombadil, not only does He not need my help, I no longer want to help Him. This story I am living is not one I would have written, but really, it's going to be so much better. The next chapter is unknown, I can't even begin to guess what the Lord is writing, but I know He is my favorite author (sorry, Tolkien) and can be trusted with my story, and He knows exactly where He is bringing this story. He won't run out of time and leave us hanging, He will complete my story. And it's going to bring Him glory, and I get to be a part of that. Now, rather than suggestions on what to write, my prayer is, "Lord, make me a character who is faithful to you through it all and to the end."