The Gap

Once upon a time there was a magical era called the ‘80’s. One of the best things that came to us in the ‘80’s were Cabbage Patch Dolls (I was young in the ‘80’s; what can I say?). When I was older than I probably should have been, I decided I really wanted a boy Cabbage Patch Doll for Christmas, and I dropped so many obvious hints, my mother eventually became annoyed. Maybe she had picked up on my first hint, or maybe she had a better gift for me that she then had to return because I was so insistent. I ended up feeling guilty and remember wondering what she had been planning on getting instead. I did get that boy Cabbage Patch Doll, in fact I still have it, but my mom is a great gift giver…I wonder why I didn’t just trust whatever it was she would have gotten for me? I bet it was a LEGO set….

Often times I use prayer as my way of dropping hints to God about what I want, or how I want my life to go. I even have the audacity to think I know better than the Creator of the Universe does on how he should allow different things to happen in my life. Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on prayer, and what exactly it is that I believe about it. You see, I have seen childlike-faith prayers answered word for word, and I have seen the longing and pleading of my heart seemingly ignored (please note the word seemingly there. I do not believe even a little bit that God ignores our pleas). I have tried to have the perfect formula for prayer; I have tried to align my heart and prayers with biblical teachings, but to no avail, or so it would seem. What really baffles me though, is when what I am praying for really does line up with the Word of God, but the opposite ends up happening. Yes, I know I live in a fallen world, I know sin rules in this world, but my God IS stronger, he already has the victory, so why does it so often feel like He doesn’t care enough to give me what I’ve asked for? 

Wow. Re-read that last question. When I stop and listen to the questions I am asking, sometimes it’s really easy to spot the confusion Satan wants to bring. And it is amazing how easy and quickly it can be for him to bring me confusion. It starts with me trying to align my heart to God’s…but then that didn’t get me what I wanted, and so I start to question God’s love for me?!

I would love to be a great prayer warrior (I know, I just need to get praying), and so I have read several books on prayer, I have studied different prayers the Bible shows us; I have taken notes on many sermons and lessons on prayer and have tried to apply it to my life. I think possibly the best definition I have heard on prayer was from Trever Hudson, author, minister and a friend of one of my pastors. During Covid lockdown our church did several zoom conferences; one with Trever Hudson talking about prayer. Somewhere I have written down word for word his definition, but the general idea of it is that Prayer isn’t giving God any new information. He already knows all the ins and outs of it. Instead, prayer invites God into the circumstance with us, it opens our heart to what God might do in us through that circumstance. That definition blew me away, and it has shaped my thinking and practice in prayer ever since. And it really helps my faith stand firm when what I am praying for doesn’t go the way I want it to. 

So often I see people give up on prayer when God doesn’t seem to answer any prayer requests that they have. I’ll admit, I have had times in my life where it really felt like it didn’t matter if I prayed or not; after all, if God is eternal, all that has already been set, so what difference could my silly little prayer have? Isn’t it funny though, when we stop to think about it, that we really give God a deadline and that we like to grade how he answers our prayers? “Hmm…well, I didn’t get everything I wanted, must not have answered.” Or, “whelp, times up and you obviously didn’t give me an answer [because it wasn’t the answer I wanted], so you must not actually answer prayers.”  Okay, so we don’t actually have this thought process, but if we stop and evaluate our response to God…we kind of do. I also think it’s really easy for us to have prayer requests answered, but not actually give God credit for those answers.

I have also noticed that though I still believe in God, I still believe that he is Sovereign and that nothing is impossible for him, when it comes to applying those beliefs to certain circumstances, our faith and trust can run a little short. “Yes, I believe you can provide that for me, Jesus, but here is how much faith I have; it isn’t quite enough.” I was recently praying this prayer and visualizing my faith as a bridge. My bridge did not quite extend the full length of what I was facing, but as I sat there, God called to mind what Lysa TerKeurst has taught me to pray about forgiveness; “I forgive ____ for ____, and what my feelings won’t yet allow, the blood of Jesus will surely cover.” I sat there in my quiet time realizing that Jesus would honor the faith I have, and where my faith was lacking, I could pray, “the blood of Jesus will surely cover.” It’s not dependent on me.

As I was reflecting on this, I was thinking about Mary and Martha after Lazarus died. They had faith that Jesus could have healed Lazarus before death, but that was where their faith ended. They couldn’t imagine anything more. They told him right where their faith ended. But Jesus covered that for them. He wept with them, knowing what he could do. And then he grew their faith by calling Lazarus out. He bridged the gap. 

I have been a believer most of my life, but I still have these great “Aha!” moments at times. My faith (given to my by God), doesn’t have to be giant. It doesn’t have to cover the full expanse. God wants my heart to tell him right where I am, so that when he shows up and grows my faith further, I can stand in proper awe of what he has again done in my life. And when I am not seeing answers to prayer, I can trust that he is working in ways I cannot see. I can continue to talk to him, to invite him into the situation with me, surrender my heart to him and allow him to work in my heart to do things I could never have imagined. And I can hold tightly to my Immutable God, knowing he is always good. He is always faithful. He is always with me. Thank you, Lord, for being bigger than my tiny brain can fathom, thank you for your thoughts and ways that are much better than mine. Thank you that I can trust you to do so much more than I could possibly imagine. Help me to trust you just as much in the times I don’t see answers to my prayers as I do when you answer word for word.